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  • Writer's pictureMonica Bell

What is Your Sex Language?

We love to talk about sex at Optimal Hormone Health. Why? Because sex is an integral part of being human, and sexual desire and comfort is closely linked to hormones. Hormone replacement will not solve all of the complicated and tricky problems people have with sex, but it can help. 

Let’s talk about the varied ways in which men and women view sexual intimacy, the individual personality of sexual expression, and how knowing your “sex language” can lead to a deeper understanding of sexual desire and bring you closer to your partner. 

A person’s sexual personality can have a significant impact on their relationship. For instance, if partners have different sexual personalities, it can lead to misunderstandings and unfulfilled expectations, which may result in conflicts.  If you take the time to understand your partner’s sexual personality, you can improve or reenergize your intimate connection. 


Sexual Personality Types

There are lots of opinions about sexual personality types, but these eleven are considered the basic types and are a good start to begin to understand your approach to sex and that of your partner. You may have bits of several of these but with a more dominant type.

  1. The Sensual or Romantic Type

The sensual type considers sex an opportunity to focus on the senses, like touch, sight, and sound. The sensual type usually likes affection and romance as part of connecting with their partner, and sex is an extension of that.

  1. The Adventurous Type

The adventurous type loves to explore new and exciting sexual experiences.  They enjoy trying new things sexually and are attracted to a partner who feels the same.

  1. The Caregiver Type 

The caregiver type nurtures and takes care of their partner and enjoys satisfying their partner’s desires. They want the act of giving more than receiving. 

  1. Dominant Type

The dominant sexual type enjoys control and power. They prefer to direct their partners during sex and are confident and assertive.

  1. The Passive Type

The passive type, just as you would think, is more passive during sex and prefers for their partner to take the lead. They may not be confident in expressing their desires and preferences.

  1. The Decompressor

The decompressor uses sex for stress relief and can get lost in the moment, which is good but can make their partner feel as though they are tuned out.

  1. The Guardian

Guardians need to feel that sex is safe and they are secure in the experience. Some guardians are sexual abuse survivors or have had negative sexual experiences. For sex to feel enjoyable, they need clearly defined boundaries.

  1. The Pleasure-Seeker

For the pleasure seeker, sex is all about the physical pleasure of the act itself. Sex is goal-driven- “I want my orgasm, and that’s it.”

  1. The Spiritualist

For the spiritualist, sex is a way to connect to a higher power or energy. The energy flow between partners during sex is essential.

  1. Asexual Type

Some people do not experience sexual attraction. People who are asexual still desire connection and emotional intimacy with their partner.

  1. Combination Type

The combination type exhibits two or more of the sexual personality types. They are versatile and flexible in their approach.


Why Sexual Personality Types Matter

Our sex personality tendencies can change over time due to societal and cultural pressures, the sexual personality of our partner, and age. You may remember when you first got together with your partner, and sex came easily and frequently.  Let’s look at how acknowledging your sexual personality types can bring you closer.

  1. Compatibility:

Compatibility is an important part of healthy relationships. Acknowledging different needs and preferences can contribute to a more satisfying sexual relationship.

  1. Communication:

Discussing sexual personality types promotes and enhances open communication. This can improve connection and closeness and enhance intimacy.

  1. Avoiding Misunderstandings:

A lack of awareness or understanding of different sexual personality types can lead to misunderstandings and conflict. It is easy to misinterpret intentions without an understanding of other sexual personality types. Navigating differences can ensure that you both feel valued.

  1. Respecting Boundaries:

Depending on your and your partner’s sexual personality type, boundaries can play an essential role in how secure and safe you both feel.

  1. Preventing Frustration:

Frustration can arise out of misunderstanding. Talking about and acknowledging one another’s sexual personality types allows you to address concerns proactively.

  1. Maintaining Connection:

Everyone needs connection, and sex is an important avenue to closeness. Aligning with your partner’s sexual personality type helps maintain a strong emotional and physical connection.

  1. Promoting Individual Growth:

By recognizing your sexual personality type and that of your partner, you can explore other ways of sexual expression. A personality type doesn’t bind you; exploring other types can be fun and enlightening. 


Talking to Your Partner About Your Sexual Personalities 

If your sex life has declined, or there has been a mismatch from the beginning, talk openly with your partner about your sexual personalities- what has changed?  Your personality is not static, and neither is your sexual personality. Be open to shifting desires and flexible in your approach to sex. 

For women in particular, a change in sex drive can be due to a decrease in hormones throughout peri-menopause and menopause. Talking about your sexual personality will not be as effective if your sex drive or inability to orgasm has changed. Talk to us at Optimal Hormone Health about how we can help. Meanwhile, explore your sexual personality with or without a partner and come to a better understanding of who you are and what you need. 

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