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  • Writer's pictureMonica Bell

Myths of Sex

Why do myths matter? Because they permeate our thinking, consciously or unconsciously, and affect our behavior and relationships. We don’t have sexual relationships in a vacuum. Everything changes- our bodies, our stressors, families, jobs, and friends and so do attitudes about sex and sexual desire. It is only recently that women’s desires have even been seriously considered. Let’s look at common misconceptions and factors that can help you reorient your thinking around sex.



Your Sex Drive Stays the Same

Your sex drive may have waned through the years, while your partner’s may not have. Discrepancies in sex drive are one of the most common reasons couples seek counseling. A decrease in sex drive for both men and women can be due to hormone disruptions- specifically declining testosterone levels for men and women and estrogen for women. Hormone replacement can have a dramatic effect on sex drive.

Everyone is Having More Sex Than You

Here’s the thing: people may say they have more sex than they are. According to one study, the average number of times couples have sex per week:

  • 7% of American adults had sex once or twice in the last year

  • 10% did not have sex in the past year

  • 19% had sex twice or thrice per month

  • 17% had sex once a month

  • 5% had sex four or more times a week

  • 16% had sex twice or thrice per week

  • 25% had sex weekly

Another study showed that about one in three people have had no partnered sex in the last year. Why does this matter? Comparing yourself to others only causes more anxiety and pressure. As long as you are having sex with your partner in a consistent manner, you are doing just fine. It is normal for couples to have less sex over time due to children, increased responsibilities, stress… you name it. 

Sex Means Penetration

Sex is not a single behavior. Men have no problem reaching orgasm through penetration (about 75%), whereas only 18 % of women can orgasm through penetration alone. They need clitoral stimulation. And besides, some people don’t like penetration and don’t consider it part of their sexual experience. 

It is Normal for Sex to Hurt

If you are having pain during sex, see us to discuss why. If you are post-menopausal, painful sex is likely due to a lack of lubrication, which can occur because of a drop in estrogen. Our CO2 laser can help in addition to hormone replacement. Who wants to have sex if it is painful? Menopause is a time when all of your notions about your sexuality- desire, ability to orgasm, physical comfort during sex are all upended. It isn’t that your core personality has changed- it is the significant drop in estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone that cause night sweats, irritability, a dry vagina, changes in mood, difficulty sleeping, and brain fog.

Men Always Want More Sex Than Women

Both men and women have fluctuations in sexual desire. Men can feel pressured to always initiate sex, and women typically masturbate less, which prevents you both from fully exploring sexual desire. If you are a post-menopausal woman, your sexual desire may completely disappear, which you may accept as a normal part of aging, but it isn’t. Hormone replacement can restore libido.

Planned Sex is Boring

The fact is, if you don’t plan sex, it may not happen as the years go by and you are having less sex.  Scheduling sex can be arousing in itself and keeps you both committed to sexual intimacy. Be mindful of your differing sexual personality types when planning sex, and don’t be afraid to spice things up a bit by trying new things.

If You Are Aroused, You Don’t Need Lubricant

Vaginal dryness is a common condition in postmenopausal females. Hormone replacement and vaginal rejuvenation can help you enjoy sex more without discomfort. 

Masturbating While You Are in a Relationship Means Your Partner Doesn’t Stimulate You

Masturbation is a completely normal form of sexual expression, both if you are single or in a partnership. Masturbation can be relaxing and allows you to learn about your body and what you like.  Masturbation can increase sexual comfort with your partner. 

Older Adults Don’t Have Sex

Intimacy is important at any age. 54% of adults 60 and over report having sex two or three times per month, and 23% report having sex one or more times per week. Older adults face unique challenges when considering sexual activity, such as vaginal dryness, low libido, physical disabilities, and erectile dysfunction. However, with hormone replacement and a commitment to improving physical health, older adults can have sex as often as younger adults.


Create Your Sexual Path

Myths and misinformation about sex and sexuality can have an outsized influence on desire, expectations, and personal growth. Meet your sexual challenges head-on and chart your own path toward greater intimacy.

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