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  • Writer's pictureMonica Bell

Women, Are You Having Trouble Climaxing?

If you are having difficulty climaxing, you are not alone. This may be small comfort, but only 10% of women climax easily. Further studies show that while most women can masturbate to orgasm, up to 50 percent of women do not orgasm during sexual intercourse. Many factors go into having trouble climaxing, and most of them fall into these categories: lifestyle, partner issues, and hormones. Many of these are modifiable but will take some attention and effort to get you to a place where you can reach orgasm. The fact is that every woman has an individual response to sexual stimulation. It is important not to compare yourself to other people. The goal is to achieve the level of sexual satisfaction important to you and your partner.


Factors that Inhibit Climax

To have pleasurable sex and orgasms, you will want to start with the problem areas that could be interfering. Over time, basic lifestyle habits can erode your desire and your ability to climax. Many women used to reach orgasm, but they have had more difficulty climaxing as they have gotten older. It is a vicious cycle that can be very frustrating and self-defeating. Let’s look at some health-related factors that inhibit climax.

Medical Conditions and Medications

Many medications, including SSRI’s for depression, can lessen desire and ability to climax. Medical conditions like diabetes, hypertension, and sleep dysfunction can be culprits. Other health-related habits like smoking or drinking can cause problems.

Hormone Deficiencies

After menopause, but even during perimenopause, hormones such as testosterone and estrogen dip to low levels. If you notice that your sex drive and ability to climax coincides with menopause, that is most likely the cause.

Older Age and Vaginal Dryness

As women get older, so do their vaginas. Dryness, lack of elasticity, and pain can be inhibiting. Up to 86% of women after menopause has this issue. Vaginal rejuvenation is an option worth considering.

A Focus on Vaginal Intercourse

Not all women can easily reach orgasm with vaginal intercourse. Moreover, as you get older, you may need more foreplay or a variety of sexual activities to get going and finish strong! We will get into what to do about that later.

Relationship Issues

Not many of our recommendations are likely to help if you have serious relationship problems. We recommend couples therapy to work out your issues. Couples have had great success with treatment, and you may want individual therapy as well. It is hard to become aroused when you are depressed or anxious.


Steps to Climaxing

As you look at your individual situation, you may ask why an orgasm is even essential. Climaxing releases beneficial hormones, including Oxytocin, that improve your immune function, help with sleep and bring you closer to your partner.

Reduce Stress

A 2018 study of women found that 58 % of women reported that stress and anxiety interfered with the ability to orgasm. Some of this anxiety is associated with life stressors, and some were related to partner expectations. Stress is a libido crusher, and dealing with it head-on will improve all aspects of your life.

Hormone Replacement

Hormone replacement can help with libido and vaginal dryness. Painful sex is not comfortable and affects desire. Restoring hormones like estrogen, testosterone, and thyroid to optimal levels will re-boot your sexual desire.

Erogenous Zones and Foreplay

The most sensitive erogenous zones for women are the clitoris, “g-spot” which is the anterior part of the vagina, and breasts. Your erogenous zones may include the neck, ears, stomach, mouth, or any other parts of the body. If your partner doesn’t know what your erogenous zones are, how can you reach arousal? Talk openly about what arouses you. If you aren’t sure, experiment on your own. Try focusing on the clitoris. The clitoris is the only organ in the human body solely responsible for sexual pleasure.

The 2018 study also found that 48% of women reported a lack of enough arousal or stimulation, and 40%, not enough time. The clear message is that many women require and need more time and more stimulation. Lots of foreplay is an excellent way to start, and diversity is good! If you need more clitoral stimulation and vaginal intercourse doesn’t do it for you, try oral sex or digital stimulation. Try stimulating more than one erogenous zone at a time. Whatever gets you there is acceptable.

Strengthening The Pelvic Floor

Women with weak pelvic muscles are at high risk of anorgasmia (inability to achieve orgasm even with stimulation). One study found that the stronger the pelvic muscles resulted in a more intense orgasm. Kegel pelvic floor muscle strength training with biofeedback methods, such as vaginal weights, has been shown to improve orgasm intensity significantly.

Medications and Health

Ask your healthcare provider to evaluate your medications to identify and problem areas. Don’t stand for the “this is normal '' response from your healthcare provider. If they don’t want you having an orgasm, it’s time to find a new practitioner! Take a proactive approach to your overall health by making lifestyle changes that improve your well-being. Improve a negative body image by a focus on healthy habits. Even pampering can help you feel sexy.

Mental Health and Relationships

Depression and anxiety disorders are serious conditions and should be treated. Since some of the typical medications can contribute to difficulty climaxing, consider psychotherapy that has been as effective as medications for many people.

Everyone has some relationship issues. Unresolved conflicts, however, can make intimacy difficult. Couples therapy can be very effective in improving your relationship and sex life.

Masturbation and Erotica

Some women are uncomfortable with masturbation due to upbringing or cultural norms. But, masturbation can be a great way to explore what works for you, and you can even participate with your partner.

Erotica and pornography are very charged topics with individual responses that have to be respected. Pornography can be demeaning, degrading, exploitive and objectifying. If you are viewing erotica or pornography with your partner that makes you uncomfortable, say so. Erotica should be stimulating and exciting. Even fantasy can have a prominent place in arousal.


Climaxing for Women

If only women could climax as easily as men seem to! The reasons women have more difficulty climaxing is a subject of speculation that includes so many evolutionary, societal and cultural factors. Societal pressures and expectations on women with regard to sex and sexiness complicate the situation. Reorienting your mental attitude about sex by reading empowering sexual material might help. Inspire and permit yourself to own your sexuality and start to climax!

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